Category Archives: tolerant

Help stop bullying Pt. 1-The time to talk is now!

Photos from "Stop Bullying Now! One Mile Fun Walk"
Photos courtesy of: Mental Health America of NE Florida

According to Gayle Eckerd, CEO of River Point Behavioral Health, “Bullying among our children and adolescents has become an epidemic and something needs to be done now.”

To stop an epidemic, there is often a source where a treatment can be implemented and then spread out from there. But, with bullying, each and every case is different because it is not only dealing with the victim of bullying but also the person or persons behind the act of bullying. It is also looking at what is causing this person to act out in this way and we also must ask a few questions; Why is this becoming such a growing problem? What is bullying? Where does the problem of bullying begin? Who is responsible to address these concerns?

The first question to address is the last one. Who is responsible to address these concerns? We all are. This is a concern for everyone to not only realize but to be part of the overall solution. The first thing to recognize is the problem. Look around. Bullying is not something that only happens on the school playground or during playgroups at the park. It is not something that is happening only amongst our young people. This is a problem in homes with siblings, at school within all age groups. Bullying is a problem within the workplace, within our political system, between parents, between parents and their children and the lists go on. What happens is, it isn’t always considered bullying and therefore the issue is getting beyond our grasp and out of control. But, it isn’t beyond help.

Preparing for the walk, everyone can be part of the solution to stop bullying.

In today’s world, anyone who wants to bully someone else can do so in a buffet of places and even without ever showing their face. Once a person becomes aware of the problem bullying has become in our society, it becomes hard to avoid or overlook this issue. The problem is so many people have begun to accept it as a way of life or have learned to overlook it until the problem becomes unavoidable or irreversible. Too many people are getting physically, mentally and emotionally hurt and many are committing suicide over it or living in silence and unspeakable pain on the verge of a meltdown. But, there is help.

Everyone who participates, tells someone else and the word spreads...
that's a good sign!

On Saturday, May 21st, Riverpoint Behavioral Health in Jacksonville, Florida joined forces with Mental Health America of Northeast Florida to organize the “1st Annual Stop Bullying Now! One-Mile Fun Walk” to raise awareness in their community and beyond.

With 200-250 walkers and their tremendous success, this is one of the most powerful ways to make a difference in the battle against bullying. They are reaching out to the younger generation, their friends and families, starting necessary conversations and letting it be known that it is not only okay to talk about bullying but also making it known that bullying against anyone, for any reason, at any age is never okay!

Studies have shown 15-25% of students report being the victim of bullying while 15-20% of students report they engage in bullying. These reported numbers are often low due to victims’ fear of retribution keeping them from coming forward.

Bullying is a form of abuse and can have immediate and long-term effects.

Recently, as seen on the news, reports of suicides have been on the increase due to bullying. Young people who are victims of bullying are more likely to drop out of school, abuse drugs and/or alcohol, have mental health disorders such as depression, eating disorders, self mutilation, thoughts of suicide, anxiety, etc.

Youth who bully are more likely to engage in violence, get involved in gangs, criminal behavior and become abusers as adults. These traits can often effect the next generations as well.

Mental Health America of Northeast Florida has been working to raise awareness of this epidemic of bullying in our country beginning with our local communities. With sponsors like, River Point Behavioral Health who paid for this event, allowing all proceeds to go the Mental Health America of Northeast Florida for their amazing work in not only this event but also working within schools and summer camps, this is an amazing example of what can be done to stop bullying, prevent bullying and everyone can be involved.

Mental Health America of Northeast Florida has found the necessary treatment is to not only treat the victim but also those that feel the need to bully. There is very often a reason behind the bullying but also to get people talking and raise awareness to this growing problem.

Take time to listen. Take time to talk. Talk about bullying.

The more people who get involved and the more help made available, the better the chances for everyone.

In this series of articles, I’ll share different stories from people who have had their lives affected from bullying in one way or another. The only way to effectively stop bullying is to show its hiding places, bring them out into the open and let people know the best thing to do is speak up and get the necessary help when needed. Let people know it is okay to say they need help because they are not alone.

What many people see as harmless fun is very hurtful and has long-term effects to others. This is bullying. This is causing many people a lost childhood, lifelong trauma, physical harm and as we are learning it is more often leading to suicide. This has to stop. It must stop now.

See the signs, read the warnings and act. Don't ignore what is right in front of you.




The first story is something that is horrible and should be unheard of but it is a situation that very much needs to be recognized for what it is.





This is about a young lady that had been bullied by not only one person but multiple people. She was bullied to the point of victimization in both a medical facility and her family environment. She is disabled and required help for much of her daily care.

During what should have been a 5-day admission to a hospital for medical testing for a diagnosis, she was instead bullied, made fun of, called names and left in unsanitary conditions. In the end, due to the lack of care from the medical staff, the correct tests had not been done which led to a long delay of the correct diagnosis. She said, ““It was an awful experience; the mental games were terrifying and I was stuck there because they did not want to discharge me.”

At the hands of her family, where she should have felt the most secure, cared for and loved, she was instead bullied most by her siblings until she was later sent to live with other relatives. There, she was often left alone as a live-in babysitter, neglected for her own daily medical needs and left to fall into the hands of a family friend who raped her.

When she couldn’t take anymore and tried to leave, she was locked in a room, slammed against the wall, unable to use a phone or a bathroom until she eventually crawled out a window and escaped. Yes, escaped. She said, “You hear about human trafficking nowadays, but that was kind of the case, even within my own family.”

At the time, this woman was wheelchair bound. Since getting better care after these experiences, this has changed. She has chosen to remain anonymous for very clear reasons.


The second story is about Lynda in Parkersburg.

Lynda’s has quite a different side of things. At first, in middle school, Lynda was having a lot of troubles at home and this led to troubles at school. During her 8th grade year, Lynda ran away.

This ended up getting her moved to another relative’s home and also to a new school. The kids at the new school didn’t treat her too well, in fact, they were just mean. She was poked, tripped, had her books knocked out of her hands and threatened about showing up places outside of school. So, she decided to just stay quiet and stay to herself.

In the 9th grade, she moved back in with her grandparents and returned to her old school. However, she had taken on a new attitude. She was loud, mean and a bully now. She wasn’t going to be picked on anymore. She took things to a new level you could say. Name calling and harassing was an everyday part of her demeanor and she’s sure she made the daily lives of some of her classmates a living hell.

“So many things that I look back on in shame,” Lynda says, “I cannot believe the intolerance that I showed back then.”

Now Lynda has her own children and would she never want to see them be bullied”, but she says, “I cannot stomach the thought of one of my kids being the bully.”

Lynda is making this known to help stop bullying.

Many people are stepping forward in efforts to help stop bullying. Below are some excellent links to visit for information on how you can speak with children, friends, coworkers or reach out for help.

Please feel free to comment on your experiences with bullying and how it has affected your life as well. Together, we can help in the effort by sharing information, speaking up, getting help and bringing an end to bullying in our own local communities which will prevent more victims and help save lives from the hurt or worse, from the loss of life. Please pass this along and keep an eye out for part 2 of this series.



AHMIR ANTI-BULLYING VIDEO – “Perfect”
Purchase this song on iTunes and 20% of the proceeds will be donated to the Make Laughter Count foundation (an organization that brings comedians & entertainers together to increase awareness about bullying and raising funds for charities)




SEE PART 2 OF THIS TOPIC



Help stop bullying Pt. 2 – Bullying effects everyone




Please see links below and feel free to share comments below.



StopCyberBullying.org

TakeAStand.StopBullying

ItGetsBetterCampaign

StopBullying.gov

PeaceBuilders.com

TheTrevorProject.org

WelcomingSchools.org

Let’s Move.gov

Teach for America

MakeLaughterCount

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What will it take to end hate?

The more often a story plays on the news or is written in the papers about discrimination, hate crimes, intolerance against others for numerous reasons, it should be opening the doors to more mature communications and closing the gaps of miscommunication.



It seems even though more people are talking and talking that less people are really listening. It appears to actually be fueling more hate and more intolerance. Why is that the case? Why is there so much division within the “United” States of America? Something has to be fueling the continued division and causing this to not only grow, but to become such an issue that even when the country is in such turmoil economically and suffering from tremendous job losses and countless crisis that needs attention.

Is this a political issue or an agenda of politicians? Does it lean from one party to another? Does the possibility of so much intolerance towards one another benefit one party over another to the point that this would be beneficial in the long run? That wouldn’t really make sense. Maybe in some illogical concept one could see it but in the long term, any time there is a period of hatred it will bring the downfall of any government or society.

 

Is this centered completely around typical discrimination? In many ways, almost everyone has some sort of discrimination in them. It may not be racial or towards another person’s religion. It may not focus on a person’s sexual orientation or whether they are rich or poor but there are many ways to discriminate against people by judging them before you actually know them. The more often a person draws conclusions, the easier and more acceptable it seems to be.

 

Intolerance is the unwillingness or refusal to accept people who are different from you, or views, beliefs, or lifestyles that differ from your own. Nowhere in the definition does is say a person has the inability to have tolerance to accept people. It says they are unwilling or they refuse to accept the person’s differences. Everyone can choose to become tolerant.

 

At this point, the U.S. is in a crisis. The crisis is not just economic or jobs. The major crisis is within America. Americans need to find the ability to work on these inner issues of discrimination, intolerance and hate. Without fixing the inner issues, the economy and job crisis, the educational issues and the energy crisis cannot to move forward. America is only as strong as its weakest links.

Americans vote for the leaders that represent them in each state and in Washington D.C. Americans vote for the President. Americans vote for a great number of things. These votes represent what each voter is saying they want to see done and who they choose to represent them.

 

However, for this to work, each voter has to start by taking responsibility for themselves in their everyday life. Each person has to take responsibility for their everyday activity and how they treat every other person they encounter. Everyone has to expect that from the leaders they chose when they are in their home state and when they are in Washington, willing to work together for the good of their state and for the good of their country. Unless someone is working for the good of others, nothing will move forward.

 

Hate, discrimination, intolerance and waiting for someone else to start the process to end these problems is just not going to work. It takes each of us starting the process to end this and end this now, right away.

 

“The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.” Samuel Johnson

21 Days Makes a Habit

I used to hear that all the time growing up. If you really want to change the way you get your homework done, study for a spelling test, brush your teeth every night (really, what was so difficult about that task?), then just do the right thing for 21 days and it will stick with you.

Okay, so most people make big New Year’s Resolutions and I am not sure what is going on January 21st but maybe they are still going strong or maybe they are loosening up on the idea of what was started.

I do better with small goals or major goals. For instance, I don’t ever see myself in a marathon but possibly making posters for a marathon. I do see myself setting a goal to do 30 minutes a day on the treadmill for maybe 2 weeks, then set a goal for month, you get the picture.

So, do you remember the “Pay it Forward” Film that came out around 2000? The film had come from a book that had been written by Catherine Ryan Hyde. It was about a little boy that worked on a school project that in effect touched many people’s lives one by one while in return it was also bettering the world around them. If each person decided to do one deed, small or large, whether it seemed significant to us or not but useful to the person we were helping, it would most certainly make our world much more productive, hopeful, creative, tolerant, and a place of unity. The book and film caught very quickly. Viewers and readers both were doing activities and were paying it forward. I see people doing it in different areas I follow online. A foundation was started, http://www.payitforwardfoundation.org/ to get young people in schools involved and different communities involved both nationally and internationally. When a good thing is happening, it is best to continue the movement.

How easy is it to remember something negative we see or hear? I love to hear good things and I think we all do. The fact is though is it takes us making things happen to get them done sometimes.

Some things we may not realize we do make a huge difference in the lives of others. I am going to use some personal examples there. This is about improving lives today.

Here is a few organizations/ideas that I stand behind 100%

When someone is sick and not feeling well, someone reaching out to them with a card or a letter just shows that someone that time to show love. If you know someone, it is a great expression. You can also go through your local church, assisted living facility, or if you want to make some children smile, visit http://www.makeachildsmile.org/ or http://www.hugsandhope.org/. Both are great and have many kids who can use some happy mail!

Visiting someone in the hospital can be a huge pick-me-up or bringing someone coffee while they are at the ER due to an emergency of a family member.

Sending someone snail mail! Remember that? It can come in with the only other snail mail these days, (bills).

When it comes to the saying at the top of the page, “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it”, I think of people that struggle through many injuries, diseases and tragedies and I am in awe of how much they pull through and each day have a smile on their face instead of bitterness.

Another major way of helping is through Blood Product Donation at your local blood bank. Having a daughter who is a cancer survivor and has been through a stem cell transplant, I am a huge advocate for educating others on the need for regular blood donation and registering as a bone marrow/stem cell donor. You can learn more about this via http://www.marrow.org/ or http://www.katiasolomonfoundation.org/

These sound easy but are often the hardest. The magic words we learned as kids. “Please” and “Thank you”. Oh, I am so bad at these!! I should make this my 21 day quest but honestly, the thought that just crossed my mind was that I would fail… positive thinking I know. They seriously make people happy and in return would improve your own day.

Lastly, I have given up on this until people agree to wear name tags, is calling people by name. I am pretty surprised but happy when people use my name but my first thought is usually, “Oh man, what is her/his name?” But it is such a nice gesture and feeling when someone knows a person’s name.

All in all, it is just a lot about showing those around us that we are thinking about them, looking out for others and making a point to put ourselves down on the list. Not that we shouldn’t look out for ourselves. But, the way things are going right now in our community, in our nation, in our world, is it really making us happy or stressed? Life isn’t about just getting through it or getting by. Life is about living and living with a purpose. Life is about being able to look back, not just at the end but during the weekends and think of moments during our week that made us smile or laugh. Some of the best ways to make ourselves happy is to make others happy. Focusing on the positives in our lives and the blessings in our lives and giving thanks for what we have been given.

When things seem so heated up around me, I remember that 10%/90% and I always try to remember to breathe. In today’s world everything goes at a high speed and it seems we must answer everything now or yesterday and our answers are being watched by everyone and must match up or we are going to be kicked out by some hall monitor or something.

I have one person I must answer to and that is God. I look around me and see that God has given me many blessings and throughout many trials in my life, He has always been there for me and I have never felt alone. I have a very personal relationship with Christ and in my 40 years, He has never failed me. So, with all of the news and debates and things that may cause confusion, with time and faith and knowing not only that God has given me the ability to have good common sense as well as the ability to pray for clarity in any decision making, I really try (and I stress the word try) to stay away from arguing. However, I never mind sharing my opinions when asked. And of course, if there is a C-Span debate going on or something, I do have red blood in my veins so yeh, I get caught up in some things but my point is watching how a person reacts. We all will never see eye to eye. Hollywood could come up with a really creepy movie about everyone in the U.S. seeing eye to eye…